Behind the Notion of Siala:
Marriage, Adat and Islam among the Bugis in South Sulawesi
Nurul Ilmi Idrus
Tati—a woman aged over thirty—is still single, not because she does not have a boyfriend, but because her boyfriend is a non-Bugis [Bug.: tennia Ugi'] and a non-Muslim [tennia Selleng]. Even though Tati has tried to convince her parents that her non-Muslim boyfriend intends to convert to Islam, they believe that her boyfriend wants to convert to Islam not because he wants to be a Muslim, but just because he wants to marry her. The consequence if Tati were determined to marry him is that her parents will throw her out [Ind.: dibuang]. Tati does not dare to marry him without her parents' consent.
Faisal's girlfriend—Nani—was a Christian woman. Three years before they got married, Nani converted to Islam with the consent of her family. Although each family has its own opinion about religious conversion, they did not oppose each other. According to Nani's family, as long as she becomes a convert wholeheartedly, she can choose whatever religion she believes in. Faisal's family is not bothered, providing Nani converts to Islam before getting married. Despite the fact that Nani is not a Bugis, she is a nice friendly [Bug.: sombéré'] woman.
Risna—a friend of mine—made the above comments one afternoon when we were sitting in a café discussing my research project after a stressful moment attending a court hearing in the Religious Court in Makassar, South Sulawesi. She mentioned a number of problems related to marriage experienced by her friends, such as choosing a marriage partner, relations with in-laws, and marriageability, which inspired me to examine a number of related aspects in my fieldwork.
In this paper, I examine Bugis marriage with a focus on how marriage is defined, what standards are used to choose a marriage partner, when to get married, and what happens if one is not married at a certain age. I will begin to unpack the Bugis notion of marriage in order to understand how marriage is perceived according to Bugis adat and Islam. The importance of looking at adat and Islam together stems from the fact that Bugis adat is strongly influenced by Islam. Secondly, I explore the standards of marriage in terms of the selection of the marriage partner. Finally, I consider the timing of marriage, marriage of minors and the social stigma related to marriageability. The central argument in this paper is that Bugis notions of marriage should be understood in terms of local custom [Ind.: adat] and religious values that act both to legitimate and to reproduce the accepted order of social relations.
The data supporting this argument were collected during my ethnographic fieldwork in South Sulawesi between 1999 and 2000. I worked in Makassar, the capital city of South Sulawesi, and in Sidrap regency; these two sites represent urban and rural settings respectively. Triangulation was employed for data collection. Case studies were constructed using in-depth interviews, participant observation, and focus group discussions [FGD].
Understanding Bugis notions of marriage: between adat and Islam
The Bugis term for married couple [sikalaibiné] combines the nouns lai, meaning man, and bainé, meaning woman, and thus carries the connotation of the combination of the husband and wife to form a conjugal pair, indicating the social relationship between the couple. Furthermore, marriage is articulated in terms of kinship [Bug.: asseajingeng], derived from the word seajing which means family or kin. Kinship for the Bugis is, as Acciaioli explains, ‘a totalistic set of relations.'
Drawing on alliance theory, Leach divided marriage into two types. One type is marriage that originates from the notion of two persons acting as private individuals, and the other is a systematically organised affair which forms part of a series of contractual arrangements between two social groups. In Javanese culture, the former type encompasses a marriage which is an ‘establishment of a new autonomous household.' By contrast, marriage in Bugis culture involves the joining of two families into one, whether or not the ‘actors' belong to the same kin group. This point of view is implied in the Bugis term for marriage [siala] which can be translated as ‘to take each other.' This implies that there is an act of exchange in which the groom's side takes the bride's, and vice versa, in order to form a new social alliance which plays an important role in kinship [asseajingeng].
Because the majority of the Bugis profess Islam, their everyday life is inseparable from religious beliefs and practice. For the Bugis, marriage is an act of following the actions of the Prophet [Ar.: Sunnah Rasul]; one is not a Prophet follower [Bug.: tennia umma'na nabitta] if one does not get married. Marriage is also regarded as a benevolent and purified act that establishes the rights and duties for both husband and wife, and protects any children born from the marriage. But, under this system what does marriage actually mean for men and women?
When asking this question of my informants—young unmarried men and women, as well as older people in Kulo, a village in Sidrap where I stayed during my fieldwork—the answer was related to the central motive for marriage, that is, for procreation. Such response is associated with the following lontara' entitled Fikhi/Nikah, ‘Marriage Principles,' which quotes the utterance of Prophet Muhammad:
[G]et married and have children, have many children because it will become an indication that I will have lots of followers in the judgment day.
[A]bbainéo mennang abbija tokko, péga toi mennang wijammu karana majeppu'na ia upasitanra tepposengngi riko mennang rimaégana umma'ku' riesso kiame'.
The passage implies the appeal of marriage and having (many) children. However, in contemporary Bugis society the common Indonesian philosophy that ‘many children, much fortune' [Ind.: banyak anak, banyak rezeki] is no longer in effect, at least for the Bugis in Kulo. They tend to have fewer children than in the past. The slow process of the transformation from a traditional familial, peasant mode of production to a wage-labour mode of production in Sidrap has been concurrent with a decline in fertility. This can be seen from the continuing decrease in the birth rate.
Despite the fact that both men and women expressed the importance of what van Gennep called the third cycle of the rite of passage, the transition from social puberty to adulthood and of having children, there are differences between what marriage means for men and women, as can be seen in the divergent views of the purpose of marriage according to sex.
For women, the significance of marriage is connected to the notion of marriageability and ‘saleability.' For example, an unmarried woman is regarded as an unsaleable maiden [Bug.: makkunrai dé'na tarala], or maiden who is left by the market [makkunrai nawélai pasa'] and is called an old maid [makkunrai lado'], at the age of thirty-five. Another specific motivation for women to get married is economic. As women commonly said: 'There is someone who looks for money for me' [Engka sapparekki dui], thus making explicit the husband's role as breadwinner but also implying the significance of women as money managers in the household. My female informants never vocalised the importance of marriage in relation to sexual needs, potentially because they were reluctant to express their opinion about sex and afraid of being labelled a flirtatious woman [Bug.: makkunrai mangngure']. By contrast, men expressed the view that marriage fulfilled sexual needs, articulated as ‘biological' [Ind.: untuk memenuhi kebutuhan biologis], as sex outside marriage is forbidden.
While a woman who remains unmarried is labelled as unsaleable, a man who remains unwed is suspected of having something wrong with him, a suspicion that is related to his sexuality: his penis does not ‘turn on' [dé'na tettong lasona]. This phrase suggests that he is sexually impotent like a man who is suspected of having a penis but dé'na tettong lasona who may be considered a calabai [cross-gender]. Thus, while the marital status of a man is related to his sexual potency, the marriageability of a woman is connected to her sexual purity and commodified value. Even though males and females are prohibited from engaging in premarital sex, the stigma for females who break this prohibition is greater than for males. This embodies a sexual double standard in regard to female sexuality.
The unmarried female status is described by the metaphor of a fruit. While a ripe fruit [Ind.: buah ranum] is tasty and has high value, an overly ripe fruit [buah yang terlalu masak, Bug.: bua makellé'] is tasteless and cheap, and is expressed in Bugis, as withered [makellé'ni]. The same image is applied to women. Fruit peddlers in the traditional markets usually place ripe fruit in a separate basket from overly ripe fruit to distinguish their quality and price. If one tries to bargain for the ripe fruit, the peddler will respond: ‘It's ripe, that's why it's more expensive than the other,' pointing his/her finger to the overly ripe fruit. Similarly, when a woman is considered ‘over ripe', public opinion holds that her family should not demand a high bridewealth. The most important issue is that she be married. An ‘overly ripe' woman is considered to be less fertile than a ‘ripe' woman, and therefore of less ‘value'.
Marriage according to Islam is a physical-emotional contract [Ind.: ikatan lahir bathin] between a man and a woman in order to form a happy and everlasting family. This indicates that marriage is not only to unite husband and wife, as 'two in one,' but it also reflects that there is a religious dimension [ibadah]. Mas'udi, an Islamic scholar, supports the principle that marriage is aqd al-ibadah, which means it legalises sexual relationships, which are prohibited prior to marriage, thus arguing against the view that marriage is a aqad tamlik [Ar.: property contract]. Furthermore, marriage ideally creates a harmonious [sakinah], safe [mawaddah] and merciful [rahmah] family, as stated in the KHI (Kompilasi Hukum Islam [Ind.: Compilation of Islamic Law]. In other religions, such as Christianity, the sacrament of marriage is considered to join the bride and groom and is ritually performed by a priest or minister. In Islam, marriage is considered a sacred 'legal contract' between the ritual guardian of the bride in the paternal line, called wali, and the groom through a legalisation process termed nikah. The concept of marriage in Islam itself is associated with the dichotomous concepts of halal [permitted] and haram [forbidden]. Because sex outside of marriage is forbidden, marriage is the only way to legalise sexual activities between a man and a woman. Therefore, one should marry to legalise the sexual relationship. Otherwise, sexual intercourse will be considered as fornication [Ind.: perzinahan]. As stated in the Qur'an:
Nor come nigh to adultery: for it is a shameful (deed) and an evil opening the road (to other evils).
The connection between evil and sexual congress drawn in this verse is similar to the notion of deviant behaviour [Bug.: malaweng pangkaukeng] evoked by my informants to refer to any sexual relationship between a woman and a man who are not married to one another. Indeed, Hamka, one of Indonesia's most influential Muslim scholars, in his book Tafsir Al-Azhar, Juz XV, relates the above verse to a Hadith which states that if a woman and a man sit side by side, it is considered as if there is a third party between the two, an evil. In such an atmosphere, it is assumed that the evil may control their behaviour. Similarly, a Bugis aphorism [paseng] states:
The message of elders to their children and grandchildren: a man and a woman should avoid being alone together because being alone together they may easily be tempted by an evil.
Ia naé pappasenna tomatoa rioloé ri an[a]' [e]ppona, aja' lalo musitudangeng oroané sipa'dua iko makkunraié, apa' iatu assipa'dua-duangngé malomo nauttamai s[é]tammaja'
Being alone together [Bug.: assipa'dua-duangngé, derived from dua [two] is always considered to be three-in-one [a man, a woman, and an evil], instead of exclusively two persons, a man and a woman; and sexual desire is assumed to be human nature. Given this belief, men and women should avoid being in close proximity without someone else accompanying them in order to prevent sexual contact outside of marriage. This is not to imply that the prohibition is due to a lack of trust of one person in another, but as Qardhawi argues, it aims to prevent both sexes from engaging in prohibited behaviour. This prohibition is not only related to the thought that the boundary between haram and halal is very thin, but also to the value of virginity for women. Hamka, in this sense, tries to suggest a way to prevent behaviour which may lead to sexual conduct between the sexes outside marriage and the resulting risks (for example, extramarital pregnancy). In order to avoid this, one needs to marry (see below, Timing of Marriage). But for the Bugis, marrying is not as simple as ‘turning over the palm of the hand' [Ind.: membalikkan telapak tangan], which indicates that marriage is not an easy affair. There are a number of aspects that have to be considered, one of which is selecting the marriage partner.
Marriage partner: between the ideal and the pragmatic
For the Bugis, there are standards applied in the selection of a marriage partner—religion, kinship, status, and personal qualities—and for this reason selection of a partner is a matter which cannot be left to the young Bugis alone. Each of these standards is examined below.
The foremost standard in the selection of marriage partner is that the prospective partners have to be Muslim, whether or not they are originally from another religion. In Indonesia, there are different opinions on whether or not marriage with a convert is allowed. Some consider that no matter what the prior religion of the convert, marriage is prohibited. Others consider that as long as the non-Muslim converts to Islam, marriage is permissible.
The prohibition of marriage between two persons of different religions is based on a verse in the Qur'an as follows:
Do not marry unbelieving women until they believe: a slave woman who believes is better than an unbelieving woman even though she attracts you. Nor marry (young women) to unbelievers until they believe: a man slave who believes is better than an unbeliever even though he attracts you. Unbelievers do (but) beckon you to the fire. But Allah beckons by His Grace to the garden (of bliss) and forgiveness, and makes His Signs clear to mankind: that they may receive admonition.
In addition, the Qur'an states that a Muslim man may marry a non-Muslim woman who is a follower of the Book [Ar.: Ahlul Kitab, e.g. the Bible]. Another verse states that your religion is yours and my religion is mine. Based on these three verses, Siddik, an Indonesian Muslim scholar, argues that the first verse means that men and women are prohibited from marrying non-Muslims, the second verse means that only men can marry non-Muslims who are Ahlul Kitab, that is, either Christians or Jews, because Islam and these other two religions are descended from the Prophet Ibrahim's family. Further, the third verse means that each person has the right to stay in her/his own religion. Siddik's argument that women may not marry non-Muslims is based on the notion that women are ‘weak' [Ind.: lemah], and may be persuaded to convert to their husband's religion [Ar.: murtad]. Thus, Siddik makes an exception and allows a Muslim man to marry a non-Muslim woman. His argument is simply following a system of religious classification. As Mary Douglas points out in her book Purity and Danger, such classifications are arbitrary in themselves, are not logical, and are culturally determined. In the case under discussion there seems to be some confusion about the justification for the flexibility for men, for example, because Jews and Christians are followers of the Book or descendants of the Prophet's family, while the prohibition for women is on the basis of her stereotyped character, as if a husband cannot be influenced by his wife to change his religion.
In Kulo, marriages between Muslims and non-Muslims were largely unknown as the area is predominantly Islamic. Such marriages are common, however, amongst the heterogeneous population in Makassar. Despite the above stereotypical determination of women's character, it was argued that if a woman sustains her choice to marry a non-Muslim, her non-Muslim partner must become a Muslim before marriage to prevent the woman changing her religion. Thus, there is a 'bargain' here that no matter what religion and sex the non-Muslim, inter-religious marriage is acceptable provided the non-Muslim partner converts to Islam.
In addition to religion mentioned above, kinship is another aspect to be considered when selecting a marriage partner. Bugis descent is traced bilaterally. That is kinship can be determined by both sides, from the mother as well as from the father, and both spouses retain their natal group membership after marriage.
Marriage within existing kinship networks is regarded as ideal. The most desirable arrangement is marriage between cousins, either parallel or cross cousins. Mattulada identifies three types of ideal kin-based marriages in Bugis: appropriate matrimony [assialang marola], that is, marriage between first cousins [sapposiseng]; coherent matrimony [assialanna mémeng], that is, marriage between second cousins [sappokkadua]; and marriage that brings close one who is far [ripaddeppé' mabélaé], that is, marriage between sappokkatellu [third cousins]. Although marriage with outsiders [to laing] is becoming more common in contemporary Bugis society, I found during my fieldwork that marriage within kin groups still persists.
In the past, marriage between second or third cousins was most favoured by lower-ranking Bugis, while the high-ranking nobility ideally practise marriage between first cousins. This practice was accepted by the nobility, following the La Galigo heroes. Such ideal wedlock is implied in the Bugis classic literature of La Galigo. In one episode of La Galigo, Ritumpanna Wélenrénngé, for example, it is suggested that an endogamous marriage between Bugis of similar status is regarded as a ‘good match' as is marriage between cousins [Bug.: mallaibiné massappo siseng]. This can be seen in the marriage between Sawérigading and his first cousin I Wé Cudai'; and between Remmangrilangi' and his first cousin Wé Tenriabéng. The marriage between Batara Guru and Wé Nyelli' Timo'—who is the daughter of Batara Guru's mother's brother—demonstrates a perfect marriage, that is, a marriage between cross cousins of similar status. This preference is connected to the Bugis notions of ‘proper' [sekapu'] as opposed to ‘improper' [ tessikapu'] which can be seen in terms of genealogical relation [Ind.: hubungan darah] and hypergamy (see below).
Tessikapu' marriage—which refers to, for example, the incestuous marriage of siblings—is prohibited, and it is believed that such a marriage will ruin the life of the whole community. This is also well illustrated in the manuscript edition of Ritumpanna Wélenrénngé, for example, in the love affair between Wé Tenrirawé and her twin brother Pallawagau'; and the conflict which resulted from the request of Sawérigading to marry his twin sister, Wé Tenriabéng. In contemporary Bugis society, the consequence of an incestuous relationship is to be killed, or thrown out [Ind.: dibuang] by the family because it is regarded as a shameful act.
There are different perspectives among the Bugis from different classes. For example, the tendency for nobles [Bug.: arung] to marry within the family (between cousins) is not only understood to protect the property of the family, but also to preserve their nobility through status matching. For commoners, especially those in villages, marriage within a kinship network is mainly undertaken because the prospective in-laws are already known by all concerned. In addition, there are also contrasting opinions between elders and youth regarding marriage within kinship networks or with outsiders [to laing]. On the one hand, Bugis elders usually give advice to youth that ‘It is better if you marry within your family, if you marry with an outsider, she/he will behave like an outsider' [Makessimmutoitu ko padaidi'ki' siala, nakko to laing, to laing mutotu sipa'na]. Therefore, marriage with to laing should be more carefully investigated than marriage within the family because elders are afraid that an outsider will continue to behave like an outsider [ massipa' to laing] even within the family. Massipa' to laing carries the sense that someone does not behave as a part of a family, which goes against the notion of siala. On the other hand, the younger generation consider that marriage outside the kindred will extend kinship networks. As they said: ‘We would have a new branch of family.' Such marriages are also thought to prevent clashes between the two families when the couple is in conflict, given the fact that conflict between husband and wife may involve the family of both sides. In addition, marriage within the kinship network is viewed as marriage between siblings, as youth expressed in a focus group discussion. For example, I quote a young woman who said: 'I cannot imagine marrying a man who is, for example, my cousin or my close relative because I would feel as if I were marrying my brother.'
For the Bugis, marriage to someone from outside of the kinship circle can aim ‘to make a non-kin into kin. This portrays the ambivalence of Bugis preferences in marriage partner selection. While endogamous marriages aim to prevent the ‘other' infiltrating the family, exogamous marriages are expected to make ‘others' into family members.
However, to restrict the tendency to marry with to laing, elders allow that: ‘One may marry an outsider, as long as she/he is Bugis' [namu to laing napubainé assala' Ugi' mua]. This advice is directed to both men and women, and indicates the preference for marriage within the ethnic group in order to maintain the notion of siala. Thus, a young man/woman who intends to marry a non-Bugis has to make sure that his/her prospective wife/husband understands the philosophy of Bugis marriage (see below).
Errington argues that the tendency for endogamous marriages among noble Bugis aims to concentrate spiritual potency and to consolidate the family. This may not be possible if one marries with to laing, as a new branch is formed; the family becomes scattered and the centre becomes unclear. Nevertheless, marriage with to laing can be politically advantageous. For example, Acciaioli illustrates the ‘third tip' based on the Bugis philosophy of tellu cappa' [Bug.: three tips], as a strategy to integrate themselves with a new community. He writes that:
The three tips [tellu cappa'] encompass the tongue, the knife blade, and the penis. If a Bugis cannot integrate himself with the local leaders by diplomatic consultation (by the tip of his tongue), he may have to resort to armed battle (by the tip of his knife blade). But, best of all, he will be able truly to integrate himself in the new community by marrying one (or more) of the local women (by the tip of his penis).
Thus, exogamous marriage is beneficial for a man's social security and status in the community. In line with this idea, Abidin argues that ‘only when you are adopted by a leader do you have four sides' [sulapa' eppa'],—a phrase that articulates a Bugis concept of perfection (see below). The best way to achieve the sulapa' eppa' is to marry the daughter of the influential leader of the community, and this, at the same time, means that the groom becomes a member of the family of the influential community leader.
Since marriage in Bugis society links not only husband and wife, but also ties the families of both sides as it is reflected in the term of siala—the bride has to accept the family of her husband as her own family, and vice versa. The following expression is frequently uttered by elders to young Bugis:
If you are looking for a prospective wife, find someone who also likes your family, because for the Bugis when one gets married, the families of both sides also ‘get married'.
Nakko sappa'ko bainé, ia mélorié to ri seajimmu, nasaba' idi'tu to ugi'-é nakko bottikki, bottittoi tu seajingngé.
In spite of the fact that this expression seems to be directed to men in its everyday usage, it refers to a man looking for a wife. The sentiment, however, applies to both men and women. It would be possible to utter the directive 'look for a husband' [Bug.: sappa' lakkai] to a woman, but it would have a negative connotation since women should wait for a man to 'look for her' [sappa' bainé]. The implied meaning of siala is reflected in the phrase 'bottittoi tu seajingngé' [the family of both sides also gets married], mentioned above.
In Indonesian society, marital status is considered to be a fundamental aspect of a person's social status. For the Bugis, marriage is an arena that indicates social location [that is onro]; the status of the bride and the groom can be the same, or unequal, but it is more usual for women to marry up. An individual's social status is determined by affiliation, which can be from birth, marriage or allignment.
The Bugis hierarchical marriage system is associated with the woman's function as the symbol of family siri' [honour] and as the preserver of the purity of 'blood.' A woman determines or stabilises the degree of nobility of her family. Many noble women get married at an advanced age or even become old maids as a consequence of their noble status. In his study of the Makassarese in Bontoramba, Chabot describes a woman as a ladder in relation to hypergamous marriage. If a woman is allowed to marry down, the ladder becomes slippery. Thus, it is better for a woman to stay unmarried than to marry down.
In the Bugis kingdom of Luwu, where Errington conducted her study, rank is based on three divisions, from the highest to the lowest: 'better' people [To Malebbi'], 'regular' people [ To Sama'], and slaves [Ata ]. Despite the fact that a woman of to sama' should also marry up, her status is determined according to her personal qualities or her parents' social status. In the past, the bridewealth of a daughter could not be lower than that of her mother, which indicates that her status may not be lower than her mother's status. Therefore, it is apparent that to sama may enhance the status of the bride or the groom by 'receiving' or 'giving' high bridewealth. I will describe the marriage of my host's son as an instance of exogamous marriage and its relationship to social status, that is, onro, as well as personal qualities. The onro of the girl's family was slightly 'higher', indicated by her father's job as a saudagar ikan [Ind.: large-scale fish merchant] in Pinrang (a neighbouring regency) and his hajj status, compared to Pak Bakri's job as a primary school teacher. The bride (Mina) had graduated from high school, while the groom (Aco) graduated from the state university in Kendari, Southeast Sulawesi. I was told that the 'spending money' [Bug.: dui' ménré'] was quite high (Rp.10.000.000, equal to $AU2,000 at current currency for the status of to sama' in the village in 2000. Therefore, their onro was reckoned comparable on both sides by taking into account all these factors. However, considering that both families are to sama', no one worried too much about the details of this marriage.
But Pak Bakri thought that the high 'spending money' would be recompensed with 'something' else in the future, as he told me one afternoon. For example, I often heard Ibu Darma, Pak Bakri's wife, mention how proud she was because her son had married a daughter of a saudagar ikan and a hajj. She identified herself and her family as becoming part of the social status of her in-laws, maccoé-coé'ki ri ajié [be the follower of the hajj]. In addition, the father of the bride promised to find a job for the groom's younger brother, Farhan. But the promise has never been fulfilled, until the groom's younger brother decided to go to West Papua to find a job, following his older sister.
Another standard for an ideal partner is the personal qualities of the individual concerned. This standard is usually mentioned by Bugis elders, and is stated in Lontara' Fikhi/Nikah, which is in fact based on a Hadith (Sahih Muslim), as follows:
A woman is selected as a spouse because of four characteristics: being rich, beautiful, good descent, and being religious. But, the most important characteristic is piety.
Rinikkaiwi makkunraié ri eppaé sipa': sugi'-i, makessi-kessingngi, mappasiabbatirengngi, pagamai. Naékia paléi mennang ia pagamaé.
Having all these four qualities [sugi', makessi-kessing, mappasiabbatireng and pagama], a woman is regarded as a 'perfect woman' having the four qualities of sulapa' eppa'. Each element has to support the other elements as a system. However, no one is perfect. In theory, being pious is considered to be the most important characteristic because it is believed that a religious woman can control her behaviour. Elders commented that 'if one is pious, one also has a good attitude' [Bug.: ko pagamai tu taué, makessittoi tu ampé-ampéna], though in reality this is not always the case. It is nevertheless considered that the quality of being pious may lead someone to behave properly, to have an inner beauty and to be rich. Therefore, being pious may cover the other qualities. 'Rich,' in this sense, is not necessarily connected with material wealth, but may also mean that she is sombéré' [friendly, rich in smiles] not only to her husband, but also to others, particularly members of the family. I frequently heard the Bugis say: 'his wife is friendly' [masombéré' bainéna] which means that she can get on with everybody. This is associated with a woman's informal behaviour, which has a great importance in Bugis asseajingeng. Members of the husband's family are reluctant to visit if the wife is not friendly [sombéré'], behaves as an outsider [massipa' to laing] and treats them as if they are not part of her family.
The husband is not expected to show his friendliness [sombéré'] overtly—as his wife does. This is connected to the formality of a man's behaviour and to the maintenance of his social location. Hence, husband-formal and wife-informal mirror the dichotomisation of male and female interaction with others after marriage. This complementarity is not just about their interaction within the family or with others, but is also associated with spiritual potency to protect their social location. Thus, appropriate men's and women's behaviour is different in different social situations.
In a similar way, the testament [Bug.: wasiat] detailing the characteristics of an ideal wife in Lontara' Fikhi/Nikah is not synonymous with the account of characteristics for an ideal husband. A lontara' states that a good leader is one who has the qualities of four sides [sulapa' eppa'], consisting of bravery [warani], cleverness [macca], wealth [sugi] and leadership [panrita]. Though these characteristics do not specifically refer to the values of an ideal husband, they may be used to indicate a 'good' man, and it is usually assumed that leaders are men.
In theory—as in Bugis manuscripts—a man is expected to be brave [warani], so he can be the protector of his family, or family siri'; he is clever [macca], so he can be the role model; he is wealthy [sugi'], so he can maintain his family; and he is a religious leader [panrita]], so he can guide his family. Possessing all these characteristics [to warani, to macca, to sugi'] and [to panrita] indicates that a man has [sulapa' eppa']; he is a 'perfect man.' Pelras suggests that the possession of these four qualities can be 'equated with nobility,' especially if one intends to marry a high-ranking woman. The most important characteristic is panrita. While pagama refers to an individual's piety, panrita signifies one's proficiency as a religious leader [Ind.: ulama].
In general, Mattulada indicates that the ideal Bugis personality should be clever [acca], honest [lempu'], firm [getteng], and brave [warani] in order to maintain the principle of mutual respect [sipakatau'] in which attitudes are controlled by honour [siri'] and social solidarity [pessé]. Mattulada expresses these characteristics as follows:
Persons respect one another, share one siri' and maintain pessé, and behave in a manner befitting a Bugis: they are clever and honest, brave and firm, and surrender to Allah.
Tau si-pakatau', masseddi siri', mappatettong pessé ri-ikkeng sempugi'-sempullolota': To-acca na Malempu', Warani na Magetteng! Mappasanré' ri élo-Ulléna Alla[t]aala.
This saying illustrates that the ideal personality of Bugis sociality [Bug.: sempugi sempullolota', Ind.: sesama orang Bugis] is based on the concept of mutual respect [Bug.: sipakatau'], honour [siri'] and social solidarity [pessé], through which an individual is united with others through customary etiquette [pangngadereng]. Significantly, Mattulada mentions the rhombus square sulapa' eppa' wolasuji based on a mythical belief of Bugis-Makassarese associated with the shape of the written script [consonant sa]. This shape symbolises the square of the human body [sulapa' eppa'na taué], which carries the sense of the wholeness of the human body. Top and bottom are the head and the feet; right and left are hands, signifying the perfect shape of the human body. Each side is connected and balanced with another. The four characteristics mentioned above symbolise the four sides [sulapa eppa'na] of ideal Bugis personalities.
In practice, in addition to the attribute of being a Muslim as the main requirement for a prospective marriage partner, Bugis people stress that the ideal prospective husband should have the ability to 'surround the kitchen seven times' [mattuliling dapureng wékka pétu]. The kitchen symbolises household affairs, and seven times represents the days in a week, imposing on him the financial responsibility for his own family, as a good provider [nalaoanni aléna ]. A prospective wife, on the other hand, should be able to face her husband [moloi lakkainna]. The meaning of moloi is related to the ability to fulfill the emotional and physical needs of the husband, which encompasses the need for a sexual partner and a household manager. Each of them is expected to cope with the family of both sides, socially and economically whenever it is needed and is possible.
A girl is expected to learn the skills of household management from her mother during her maidenhood. On account of this, uxorilocal residence has become the preference of newlyweds. However, I have never heard of anyone getting divorced because of the failure to satisfy the emotional needs of her husband, and this is not listed as a reason for divorce in the list of cases provided by the Religious Court in Sidrap. Yet, divorce because of conflict with the in-laws is very common, and is classified as 'disharmony.'
I attended a number of weddings in Sidrap as well as in Makassar and noted that the typical advice that is conveyed is that the husband is 'the head of the family' and the wife is 'the mother of the household,' as stated in the 1974 Marriage Law. In addition to this, the ability of the husband to 'surround the kitchen seven times' [Bug.: mattuliling dapureng wékka pétu] and the ability of the wife to serve the husband [moloi lakkainna] were also usually pronounced during the speech of marital advice [Ind.: nasihat perkawinan] that was offered after the marriage contract [Ar.: akad nikah].
In a focus group discussion in Kulo, I explored the perceptions of youth relating to the nature of the ideal wife and the ideal husband. Male youth were quick to reply that an ideal wife is the one who bows down to her husband [Bug.: tunru' é rilakkainna], which means they expect to have an obedient wife. My male unmarried informants expected to have a full time housewife who could concentrate on her domestic responsibilities. Why? A 'working-wife,' according to the group members in this focus group, was assumed to be too demanding [maéga élo'na] because she has more friends and has been more influenced by the outside world. However, their answers seemed to be ambivalent, as they also said: 'It is also good to have a working wife because she will have her own income, and it is all right as long as she does not neglect her domestic duties.'
The perceptions of young women regarding an 'ideal husband' also varied. An 'ideal husband' should be that he is an employed man [urané engkaé jama-jamanna], a man who has a house [urané engkaé bolana] and/or a man with good manners [urané makessingngé sipa'na]. It was interesting to note, however, that none of them expected to have an 'obedient husband.' This is not only because an 'obedient' wife is idealised, but also because a powerful wife, or, in their own words, a 'wife who has too much power,' tends to be socially criticised. A husband who participates in domestic affairs, for example, cooking and washing, is considered to be a 'less powerful husband' who is controlled by his wife. In contrast, a wife who spends more time outside the home is regarded as a 'bad wife.' From this point of view, it is assumed that while for the Bugis there has been no rigid division of domestic and public roles between the husband and the wife, the influence of the development ideology of the New Order intensified the tendency for sexual stratification and specific gender roles in domestic life.
Despite the fact that the four standards—religion, kinship, status, and personal qualities— for selecting a marriage partner are distinct, each is related to another. For example, kinship is also related to status; when personal qualities are examined, religion is also included.
Timing of marriage, early marriage and social stigma
In addition to the above attributes—religion, kinship, status, personal qualities—age of marriage is another important factor to be considered by both sexes. For the Bugis, the desire for marriage is in accordance with the sunnah—which refers to acts that are optional, but meritorious if performed—of the Prophet Muhammad, in which it is suggested that men and women should get married because marriage may preserve gaze (explained below) and honour. Thus, if a man is capable and intends to get married, and he is afraid that he cannot manage his passion, marriage becomes obligatory for him. This is in accord with the metaphorical definition of akad nikah: akad [contract] and nikah [sexual relationship]. Thus akad nikah is a contract of sexual relationship between a man and a woman which transforms from haram [forbidden] prior to marriage, to halal [permitted] after marriage.
Corresponding to the prohibition on premarital sex, unmarried men and women are considered 'dangerous' in regard to sexuality. It is believed that sex may start from one's eyes, since being unable to control one's gaze may lead to a more 'dangerous' act (touching, kissing). Such sexual conduct may, then, contravene one's honour [Bug.: siri'] because such behaviour is regarded as shameful.
Those who are incapable (usually referring to men) of self-restraint are advised to fast in order to lessen their lust. In this regard, marriage or fasting is considered to be the way to manage sexual tension. In this connection, Al-Gazali, a great Islamic scholar, argues that sexual desire cannot be negated; it can only be controlled through marriage. Furthermore, there is a testament [Ind.: wasiat]] in Bugis lontara' which indicates that the utterance of the Prophet Muhammad states four actions which have to be done immediately. These four actions are burying a corpse, marrying off daughters, feeding guests, and paying debts. The one relating to marriage is as follows:
If you have a daughter, a young woman, and she can be married off, and there is a prospective husband, marry her off immediately.
Nakko engka ana'mu wélangpélang, bettuanna tau lolo, naweddinna mallakkai, naengkana maka mupasialangngi, pallakkainisisa'.
This wasiat carries the overtone that parents are expected to marry their daughters [ana' dara wélangpélang] off immediately after menarche. In spite of the fact that this lontara' has never been read directly by the majority of the Bugis in contemporary society, the wasiat circulates as an oral tradition, and is evoked in discussions of marriage of young women, especially among traditional Bugis in rural areas.
The emphasis of the wasiat on girls is relevant to the belief that raising a girl is ten times more difficult than rearing a boy. There is a saying frequently uttered by young men and women that 'looking for a lost spoon is more important than looking for a lost young boy.' This is not to argue that a boy is not as valuable as a girl, but the 'protection' of boys is loose compared to girls, and such 'protection' is closely associated with family honour.
I was told by Pak Bakri—my host—that early marriage occurs between families or the children of colleagues. But such marriages are usually very unstable because the bride and the groom are still so young. During my fieldwork, in Kulo, there was a case of an arranged marriage between fourteen year old, Tati, and a twenty year old young man, Amal. Neither of them knew the other until they married. Their livelihood was supported by the family of both sides. In spite of the initial instability of this marriage, they stayed married because of the effort of both families to maintain the marriage. In addition to this case, I often heard people gossiping in local mini-buses [pété-pété] when I was travelling around. Junior high school girls discussed a schoolmate who was going to get married in a marriage arranged by her parents.
There is a folk story related to early marriage and the well-known veteran of Sidrap, Captain Usman Balo, the leader of the People's Security Army (TKR). The captain was described as a powerful man who was not only a heroic figure for the people of Sidrap, but also a person who could cause trauma to the villagers because of his womanising, especially towards young beautiful women. As a result, young women in his area were reluctant to go out or were even kept in the house by their parents in order to avoid Usman Balo's request to marry their daughters. Even though early marriage was common in the past, parents were reluctant to marry their daughters with a much older man not just because people would comment that 'he is supposed to be her father,' but also because he was bound to be polygynous.
In contemporary Bugis society, there is a wide range of views as to whether a young woman should be married off soon after menarche, or later. For example, elders suggest that young women should marry as soon as they begin menstruating in order to preserve the reputation of the family. In the past, the younger the girl, the better the match she could make, the higher the status of the groom, and the more prestige for the family. Therefore, in the past it was not surprising to find a girl who had not even experienced first menstruation when she married. However, no such cases of pre-pubescent marriage occurred during the period of my fieldwork.
Even though the Marriage Law of 1974 establishes that the minimum age of marriage is sixteen for a female and nineteen for a male, members of the younger generation suggested in a focus group that a female and a male should wait until they are mentally and physically ready to get married, indicated as age twenty for a female and twenty-five for the male. By this age, my interlocutors observed, the wife is considered able to face her husband [Bug.: moloi lakkainna] and the husband is able to surround the kitchen seven times [mattuliling dapureng wékka pétu]. Marriage at a younger age than this is considered potentially more unstable because the partners are not competent to perform marital obligations. This view was in line with cases of divorce in the Sidrap Religious Court in which parents had married off their daughters to men who did not even have jobs to maintain their families, which meant that the new couples depended financially on their parents. The impetus to early marriage in many of these cases arose from concern that the young women would be 'unsaleable' if she waited. In other cases, the young woman and the young man were sexually involved, and because the woman got pregnant, their parents married them off immediately. In such circumstances, these marriages were frequently unstable and ended in divorce, as I observed in a number of court hearings in the Sidrap Religious Court.
In Kulo, I recorded a number of reasons why parents attempt to marry off their daughters at a young age. First, parents wanted to preserve their reputations and to protect the family from shame. It is considered shameful if parents do not find a match for a fully-grown daughter, who will be labelled an 'unfortunate woman' if no one proposes to her; she then becomes a 'burden' to her family. If a younger daughter is proposed to, and the elder daughter remains unmarried, the parents should pay the cost of 'skipping over' [Bug.: ilallo or ilellung] to the older daughter, usually paid from the part of the bridewealth, that is, 'spending money' dui' ménré, given by the groom of the younger daughter. The dui' ménré is spread out on a table or on the floor. The eyes of the elder unmarried daughter are covered by a handkerchief and she is asked to use both hands to pick up as much as money she can. Alternatively, she may be given a piece or a set of jewellery by her parents in order to console her for the marriage of her younger sister. The amount of money or the kinds of gift given to the 'skipped over' [ilellung] girl vary, depending on the social status of the family and the number of 'skipped over' sisters. For example, the Akbars—my host's lower class neighbours—gave a gold ring to their elder daughter as consolation for Ria's marriage. Ria 'skipped over' an elder sister (and a brother). In another instance, in a middle class family, I discovered that the parents gave a gold ring to each of their three daughters as consolation for the marriage of their youngest daughter, Halida, who also had two elder brothers. A middle class woman in Makassar told me that she was given a gold and diamond bracelet as consolation for the marriage of her younger brother. While an elder sister should be paid for the cost of being 'skipped over' [ilellung], this is not the case between younger sister and elder brother, and between elder and younger brothers. In this sense, it indicates that while an unmarried young woman faces a social stigma as a result of ilellung, an unmarried young man does not. Consolation from ilellung is not significant for young men.
People usually comment: 'It is a pity she has been 'skipped over' by her younger sister' [Bug.: Ilellungngi kasi' rianrinna], or use a commodified metaphor: 'The elder hasn't been sold, so she is 'skipped by' the younger one' [Dé'pa natarala daénna jaji ilellungngi rianrinna] which means that the elder has not been married (or is less saleable), but someone has proposed to her younger sister. However, it is more shameful if an older daughter is ilellung] by her younger brother because of the notion that the younger son is more 'saleable' than the elder daughter. There is a joke usually expressed by unmarried daughters in regard to this compensation: 'I am waiting until all my younger sisters and brothers get married, so I can accumulate more money and/or jewellery before I myself get married.'
The fear of the early death of parents is another reason to marry off children quickly as parents are afraid of not witnessing their children's marriages. This applies to both daughters and sons. Another extreme reason is that parents want to get rid of the responsibility of taking care of an unmarried young woman [ana' dara]. This sentiment illustrates how an ana' dara can become a 'burden' for the family in the perception of the community. In Bugis, marrying an ana' dara entails transferring the major responsibility to her husband. Parents who have pubescent unmarried daughters experience a state of anxiety, especially after she has experienced several years of menarche.
In spite of the fact that the minimum legal age of marriage in Indonesia was established in the 1974 Marriage Law, a dispensation can be requested through the Religious Court if the female's age is less than that stipulated in the law. I suspected at first that this dispensation might be used to perpetuate marriage below the minimum legal age. I was informed by the judges that I interviewed that before the young woman is given a dispensation to marry, she has to be examined. This examination is on an ad hoc basis to assess her physical and psychological condition. For example, if the young woman is well developed physically, it is assumed that she is ready to marry. Her psychological condition is assessed based on her behaviour—whether she behaves in a childish or mature manner—and is also based on the evidence of her parents. Another factor considered is whether the young woman has already had a boyfriend. In fact, there were not many cases of dispensation of marriage [Ind.: dispensasi kawin] of the minor provided by the Religious Court in Sidrap. This is not to say, however, that underage females are not married, as people may lie during the first step of the procedure when age is established at the village office [kelurahan]. For instance, if the female is fourteen, she can easily be registered with an age of sixteen if officials 'turn a blind eye' based on the principle that one should not be hampered if the jodoh [pre-destined marriage partner] is before one's eyes. This circumstance has always been the concern of judges at the Sidrap Religious Court.
Marriage of minors, however, is not only a common phenomenon in Bugis culture, but also in other parts of Indonesia. Underage marriage is more associated with arranged rather than free-choice marriage. Despite the fact that arranged marriages as well as free-choice marriages involve the couple and parents from both sides, the couple is usually blamed for their 'incorrect' choice of spouse in free-choice marriage, especially those who get married to outsiders [Bug.: to laing].
In contemporary Bugis society, even though some parents in Kulo still consider the ideal age at first marriage for a young female to be between fifteen and seventeen years, extended possibilities for education and the opportunity to work in the paid workforce have nevertheless raised the age of marriage. Bugis people in Kulo say that the current average age at first marriage is twenty for a female and twenty-five for a male. Given that there is no high school in Kulo, females and males have to go to the subdistrict centre which is about fifteen kilometres away to attend school, and this distance gives them the 'freedom' to socialise with others away from their place of origin.
There are various terms related to age of marriage. Given that twenty years of age at first marriage is currently the norm, a female who passes the age of twenty-five and is still unmarried will be labelled as mangngaribini [Bug.: time for sunset prayer]. Her parents will start to ask her whether or not someone has already approached her, and the woman herself is often in a state of anxiety. When a woman turns thirty, she will be called isyani [time for evening prayer], a time when a woman is considered to be makellé'ni, the term used to describe an 'overly ripe and wrinkled fruit'. Isyani is considered a risky time and such a woman will often feel grief and become pessimistic, afraid of being an unsaleable woman [makkunrai lado']. A thirty-five year old unmarried woman is called subuni, a term that refers to the time for the early morning prayer. At this stage, in many cases, a woman is usually viewed as left behind by the market [nawélaini pasa'].
If a woman gets married after thirty-five, she is commonly proposed to either by a widower or a married man. This illustrates that the term subuni refers both to a woman's age and the decreased possibility that she will find a marriage partner. In urban areas, however, the age of marriage is higher compared with rural areas. In Makassar, people state that the average age at first marriage is twenty-five for females and thirty for males. Even though similar Islamic terms are applied, the age at which each term evoked is quite different. Thus, thirty, thirty-five and forty are associated with the terms mangngaribi [sunset prayer], isya [evening prayer] and subu [early morning prayer]. While these terms are not used to label men, a man who reaches the age of thirty-five in a rural area and forty in an urban area and is still not married is suspected of being sexually dysfunctional, dé'na tettong lasona, a Bugis local parlance for 'his penis does not turn on', and he may be deemed calabai' [cross-gender]. Nevertheless, it is the norm for a man to search for a prospective wife who is younger than him. This is not just linked to the belief that women age more quickly than men, but also to the structural hierarchy between husband and wife, as between older brother and little sister. There is a Bugis aphorism related to the criticism of men who marry older women: 'driving an old car' [mattonang oto toa], the woman being the old car [oto toa], 'driven' by her husband. The option of marrying an older woman is strongly prohibited, and such marriage, in many cases, is rejected by the family of the groom. This phrase refers not just to spousal age difference, but is also a crude reference to the sexual act.
When discussing marriage in Bugis society, it is important to realise that this union must be viewed in relation to kinship, as marriage is perceived as forming two families into one, reflected in the term siala [Bug.: to take each other] as well as nikah [Ar.: to gather together].
While certain standards—religion, kinship, status, and personal qualities—are applied for ideal husbands and wives, it is recognised that economic capability is emphasised for men and domestic capabilities are stressed for women, not to mention religion as the primary standard. This reinforces the position of the husband as the head of the family (as breadwinner) and the wife as the housekeeper, established in the 1974 Marriage Law under the New Order ideology, which promulgated the ideal state of manhood and womanhood.
Men and women are expected to get married, otherwise certain stigmatising labels will be attached to them. While the labels for women are connected with their commodified value, the labels for men are related to their sexual potency. But the negative labels associated with age—mangngaribini [Bug.: sunset prayer], isyani [evening prayer], and subuni [early morning prayer]—are only attached to unmarried women, reflecting the view that women are more stigmatised than men.
This paper has examined all these interrelated aspects of marriage—perception of marriage, attributes of the ideal marriage partner, and timing of marriage—that demonstrate the integration of adat and Islam and show that Bugis everyday life cannot be separated from Islam.
 In the text, terms in languages other than English are rendered in Italics. Each is followed by an indication of its language and then by an English gloss of its meaning, or vice versa. Most of these words are Bugis (Bug.) or Indonesian (Ind.), but some are Arabic (Ar.). Where many terms from one language, usually Bugis, are used in quick succession, only the first is identified.
 Discussion with Risna, Makassar, 20 January 2000.
 Discussion with Risna, Makassar, 20 January 2000.
 Asseajingeng in Bugis can be classified into rappé and sompung-lolo. Rappé refers to a relationship based upon biological descent (consanguineal relatives) and sompung-lolo signifies a kin relationship involving one marriage link [affinity]. See Mattulada, Latoa: Satu Lukisan Analisis terhadap Antropologi Politik Orang Bugis, [Latoa: A Descriptive Analysis of Bugis Political Anthropology], Ujung Pandang: Hasanuddin University Press (second edition), 1995, p. 38.
 Gregory Acciaioli, 'Kinship and Debt: the Social Organization of Bugis Migration and Fish Marketing at Lake Lindu, Central Sulawesi,' in Authority and Enterprise among the Peoples of South Sulawesi, ed. Roger Tol, Kees van Dijk and Greg Acciaioli, Leiden: KITLV Press, 2000, pp. 211-240, p. 237.
 E.R. Leach, Rethinking Anthropology, London School of Economics Monograph on Social Anthropology, No. 22, London: Athlone Press, University of London, 1961, p. 56.
 Hildred Geertz, The Javanese Family: A Study of Kinship and Socialization, New York: The Free Press of Glencoe, Inc., 1961, p. 55. In her analysis of women and industrialisation in Java, Brenner discusses marriage in contemporary Laweyan society as a formation of independent households and business. See Suzanne A. Brenner, Domestication of Women: Women, Wealth and Modernity in Java, Princeton: Princeton University Press, 1998, p. 81.
 Christian Pelras, The Bugis, Cambridge: Blackwell Publishers, 1996, p. 154.
 Bugis asseajingeng, according to lontara' [Bug.: palm-leaf manuscripts], includes sianrasa-rasangngé nasiamasé-maséi [Bug.: suffering and understanding each other], sipakario-rio [cheering up each other], tessicirinnaiéngngé risitinajaé [loving each other properly], sipainge' rigau' patujué [warning each other for good manners], and siaddampengngeng pulanaé [always apologising to each other]. See A. Hasan Machmud, Silasa: Setetes Embun di Tanah Gersang [Silasa: A Drop of Dew in a Dry Land], Ujung Pandang: Yayasan Kebudayaan Sulawesi Selatan (first edition), 1976, p. 44. Lontara' contain not only local histories, myths and chronicles, but also moral teachings. Despite the fact that lontara' are not read by the majority of Bugis people, especially young generations, their content—which is passed on by elders—is very significant in the life of the Bugis, as an authority on norms and values.
 Robinson, describes a similar view that instead of personal attachment to the spouse, having children is the primary aim of marriage in Soroako, South Sulawesi. See Kathryn Robinson, Stepchildren of Progress: The Political Economy of Development in an Indonesian Mining Town, Albany: State University of New York Press, 1986, p. 217.
 Fikhi (Ar.) is the codification of principles of conduct drawn by religious scholars from the Qur'an, Hadith (Ar.: Traditions), analogies from those two sources, and interpretations of Legalists. See Howard M. Federspiel, Dictionary of Indonesian Islam, Southeast Asia Series, No. 94, Ohio, Athens, 1995, pp. 59-69. Thus, Fikhi/Nikah is the codification of principles of conduct related to marriage.
 Lontara' Fikhi/Nikah, Roll 37/No.11, nineteenth century, Arsip Nasional Wilayah Makassar, transliterated by Hadrawi, 3 March 2002, p. 4.
 Kathryn Robinson, 'Women: difference versus diversity,' in ,I>Indonesia Beyond Soeharto: Polity, Economy, Society, Transition, ed. Donald K. Emmerson, New York: M.E. Sharpe, 1999, pp. 237-61, p. 252; Lynette Parker, Gender and School in Bali, Working Paper Series No. 4, Canberra: Gender Relations Project, RSPAS, the Australian National University, 1993, p. 5.
 For example, the Indonesian Population Census indicates a decrease in the total fertility rate (TFR) in South Sulawesi from 5.7 in 1970, to 4.9 in 1980, to 3.5 in 1990 to 2.5 in 2000 (BPS-Jakarta 2002). This gradual change has gone hand-in-hand with the willingness of people to accept family planning, and Kulo is no exception. For instance, in the year 2000, out of 1,877 individuals in the fertile age group, 1,242 were active acceptors of family planning. Among all contraception methods, the pill was the most favoured method (689) as compared to implants (193), injections (178), the IUD (170) and female sterilisation (12). See Sidenreng Rappang in Figures, Pangkajene: Pemerintah Kabupaten Sidrap, 2001. Family planning is typically introduced or suggested during the third visit of a local midwife after the delivery of a child and before the end of the parturition period. In theory, mothers are offered a choice between a number of contraception methods. In practice, however, the pill has frequently been suggested to mothers, presumably because it is cheap, easy to get, readily available in community health centres [Ind.: Puskesmas] or from local midwives [bidan], and does not have to be implanted in the woman's body.
 Arnold van Gennep classifies the stages of individual rites as pregnancy to birth, initiation rites, betrothal to marriage, and the funeral. See van Gennep, Rites of Passage, trans Monika B. Vizedom and Gabrielle L. Caffee, Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1960, p. 3.
 For a detailed discussion of single women's motivations for marriage in Lombok, Mataram, Eastern Indonesia see Linda R. Bennett, 'Dialectic of Desire and Danger: Maidenhood, Sexuality and Modernity in Mataram, Eastern Indonesia,' PhD Thesis, Brisbane: University of Queensland, 2002, pp. 88-89.
 Bennett, 'Dialectic of Desire and Danger: Maidenhood, Sexuality and Modernity in Mataram, Eastern Indonesia,' p. 80.
 The Marriage Law 1974, Chapter I:1.
 See, for example, Rahmat Sudirman, Konstruksi Seksualitas Islam dalam Wacana Sosial: Peralihan Tafsir Seksualitas [The Construction of Islamic Sexuality in Social Discourse: the Transformation of Interpretation on Sexuality], Yogyakarta: Penerbit Media Pressindo, 1999, pp. 66-67.
 Masdar F. Mas'udi, Islam and Hak-Hak Reproduksi Perempuan [Islam and Women's Reproductive Rights], Bandung: Penerbit Mizan, 1997, pp. 107-108.
 KHI is specific to Indonesia, but its principles follow the universal conception of Islamic law. It is based on the social condition of the necessity of law for Indonesian Muslims and on fiqh [study of Islamic law], interviews with Islamic scholars, the jurisdiction of the Religious Court, comparative study of law with other Islamic countries, and discussion on materials of law for the Religious Court. Since there are various views about what is regarded to be Islamic Law and how to carry it out, KHI is considered as the mediator. Thus, KHI is a compilation of various perspectives and is used as a guide or precedent for judges in the implementation of Islamic law in the Religious Court. This reference: KHI, Chapter II, p. 3.
 The literal meaning of nikah is 'to gather' or 'to come together.' Metaphorically, nikah carries the sense of 'sexual relationship' or 'copulation.' Related terms, such as ar-rafats [Ar.: flirt], taqrabuhuna [approach], hartsun [plant], lamastumun nisa [touch the woman/wife], taghasyaha [mix into], zawwaja or zauwj [partner] can be found in the Qur'an. See Sudirman, Konstruksi Seksualitas Islam dalam Wacana Sosial, p. 68.
 For a thorough explanation of sexuality in Islam, see Abdelwahab Bouhdiba, Sexuality in Islam, trans from French by Alan Sheridan, London: Routledge & Kegan, 1985.
 Qur'an, Al-Isra': 32.
 Hamka, Tafsir Al-Azhar, Juz XV [Interpretation of Al-Azhar, Chapter XV], Surabaya: Yayasan Latimojong, 1982, p. 56.
 Ahmad Yunus, P. Hamid, T. Kartikasari, Soeloso and Rosyadi, Lontarak Luwu Daerah Sulawesi Selatan Jakarta: Departemen Pendidikan dan Kebudayaan, Direktorat Jenderal Kebudayaan, Direktorat Sejarah dan Nilai Tradisional, Proyek Penelitian dan Pengkajian Kebudayaan Nusantara, 1991/92, p. 25. Lontara' Latoa advises how men should behave towards women [Ind.: adat laki-laki terhadap perempuan]. One rule is that men are not allowed to be in close proximity with women, even their close female relatives. See A. Rahman Rahim, Sikap Mental Bugis Berdasarkan Lontarak-Lontarak Latoa and Budi Istikharah [Mental Attitudes of The Bugis Based on Lontara' Latoa and Budi Istikharah], Makassar: Universitas Hasanuddin, 1982, p. 21.
 Syekh M.Y., Qardhawi, Halal dan Haram dalam Islam [Halal and Haram in Islam], trans Mu'ammal Hamidy, Jakarta: PT. Bina Ilmu, 1993.
 In his study of neighbouring Makassarese in Bontoramba, Chabot demonstrates three standards of selection (kinship, status and personal qualities). Presumably the reason Chabot omits religion as a criterion for marriage is that everyone in Bontoramba was Muslim. See Hendrik T. Chabot, Kinship, Status and Gender in South Celebes, Leiden: KITLV, 1996, p. 179.
 See also Abdurrahman for his criticism of Chapter VI (40 and 44) of the Compilation of Islamic Law (KHI) concerning marriage between Muslim and non-Muslim. Abdurrahman. Kompilasi Hukum Islam di Indonesia [Compilation of Islamic Law in Indonesia], Jakarta: Akademika Pressindo, 1992, pp. 71-72.
 Qur'an, Al-Baqarah: 221.
 Qur'an, Al-Maidah: 5.
 Qur'an Al-Kafirun: 6.
 Abdullah Siddik, Hukum Perkawinan Islam [Islamic Marriage Law], Jakarta: Tintamas Indonesia, 1983, pp. 38-45.
 Mary Douglas, Purity and Danger, London: Routledge and Kegan Paul, 1978.
 Despite the lack of statistics on religion at the Subdistrict Office at Kulo, it is assumed that 99 percent of the population is Muslim. Interview with one of the officials, Subdistrict Office, Kulo, Sidrap, 21 November 2000.
 Pelras, The Bugis, p. 152; Susan B. Millar, Bugis Weddings: Rituals of Social Location in Modern Indonesia, Monograph Series, No. 29. Berkeley: Center for South and Southeast Asian Studies, University of California, 1989, p. 25.
 Pelras, The Bugis, p. 154.
 Mattaluda, Latoa: Satu Lukisan Analisis terhadap Antropologi Politik Orang Bugis, p. 44.
 Pelras, The Bugis, p. 155.
 Fachruddin Ambo Enre, Ritumpanna Wélenrénngé: Sebuah Episoda Sastra Bugis Klasik Galigo [Ritumpanna Wélenrénngé: An Episode from the Bugis Classic Literature of Galigo], Jakarta: Yayasan Obor Indonesia, Ecole francaise d'Extreme-Orient and Fakultas Sastra Universitas Indonesia, 1999, pp. 127-28.
 A.P. Hamzah, Makmun Badaruddin, Muhammad Salim, Monografi Kebudayaan Bugis [Monography of Bugis Culture], Ujung Pandang: Pemerintah Daerah Tingkat I Sulawesi Selatan, 1984, p. 101.
 Ambo Enre, Ritumpanna Wélenrénngé: Sebuah Episoda Sastra Bugis Klasik Galigo, p. 127.
 Ambo Enre, Ritumpanna Wélenrénngé: Sebuah Episoda Sastra Bugis Klasik Galigo, p. 127; Muhammad Salim and Fachruddin Ambo Enre, I La Galigo, vol. 1, Jakarta: KITLV and Penerbit Djambatan, 1995, pp. 26-27.
 In November 1999, Fajar—a local newspaper—reported the court hearings of an honour killing that occurred because of an incestuous relationship. See Fajar 1, 10 and 11 November 1999.
 Pelras, The Bugis, p. 154.
 Pelras, The Bugis, p. 154.
 Shelly Errington, 'Siri', Darah dan Kekuasaan Politik di Dalam Kerajaan Luwu' Zaman Dulu' [Honour, Blood and Political Power in the Kingdom of Luwu in the Past], paper presented at a seminar on the 'Siri' and its problems in South Sulawesi, implemented by Komando Daerah Kepolisian XVII Sulawesi Selatan dan Tenggara in collaboration with Hasanuddin University, Ujung Pandang, 11-13 July 1977, pp. 52-56.
 Bulbeck shows that for Makassar, where the nobility of a rising polity, Gowa in his case, are 'wife takers', the nobility of a polity coming under Gowa's dominion are 'wife givers'. Marriage cements the precedence of Gowa. See F. David Bulbeck, 'The Politics of Marriage and the Marriage of Polities in Gowa, South Sulawesi, during the 16th and 17th Centuries,' in Origins, Ancestry and Alliance, ed. James J. Fox and Clifford Sather, Department of Anthropology, RSPAS, the Australian National University, Canberra, 1996, pp. 280-315.
This is precisely the same as the marriage strategy described in Pelras' discussion of patron-client relations for the Bugis and Makassarese, and the exogamous hypergamous marriages among arung [Bug.: king] in the Chronicle of Bone to strengthen both their authority and territory. See Campbell C. Macknight and Mukhlis Paeni (trans), The Chronicle of Bone, n.d. The importance of this is to show that status [onro] is distinct from kinship [asseajingeng].
 Acciaioli, 'Kinship and Debt,' p. 216.
 Cited in Elizabeth Morell, 'Symbolism, Spatiality, and Social Order,' in Living through History: Culture, History and Social Life in South Sulawesi, ed. Kathryn Robinson and Mukhlis Paeni, Canberra: Department of Anthropology, RSPAS, the Australian National University and the National Archives of Indonesia, 1998, pp. 151-67, pp. 155-56. See also Morrell's analysis of quadrate domains of Bugis-Makassarese, pp. 154-56.
 Millar, Bugis Weddings: Rituals of Social Location in Modern Indonesia, pp. 26-28.
 Elsbeth Locher-Scholter and Anke Niehof, 'Introduction,' in Indonesian Women in Focus, ed. Elsbeth Locher-Shcholten and Anke Niehof, Dordrecht-Holland/Providence-USA: Foris Publications, 1987, pp. 1-11, this reference p. 9.
 Millar, Bugis Weddings: Rituals of Social Location in Modern Indonesia.
 For a detailed discussion on kinship in Bugis social organisation, see Millar, Bugis Weddings: Rituals of Social Location in Modern Indonesia, Chapter 2.
 See Millar, Bugis Weddings: Rituals of Social Location in Modern Indonesia, Chapter 2, and Pelras, The Bugis, p. 155 on the assessment of marriage and social location of the Bugis. Palmier analyses 'headwife' [Jav.: padmi] and 'secondary wives' [Jav.: selir] of Javanese nobleman. See Leslie H. Palmier, Social Status and Power in Java, London: Athlone Press, University of London, 1960, pp. 53-57; and Boon discusses hypergamy and status equality in Balinese marriage. See James A. Boon, The Anthropological of Romance of Bali 1957-1972: Dynamic Perspectives in Marriage and Caste, Politics and Religion, Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 1977, Chapter 6.
 Sila notes the dilemma faced by female Arab Makassarese as a result of their Arab inheritance and status. See M. Adlin Sila, 'Gender and Ethnicity in Sayyid Community of Cikoang, South Sulawesi: Kafa'ah, A Marriage System among Sayyid Females,' paper presented at the 3rd International Symposium of the Journal Antropologi Indonesia, Udayana University, Denpasar-Bali, Indonesia, 16-19 July 2002, pp. 11-12.
 Cited in Errington, 'Siri', Darah dan Kekuasaan Politik di Dalam Kerajaan Luwu' Zaman Dulu,' pp. 53-54.
 Shelly Errington, Meaning and Power in a Southeast Asian Realm, Princeton: Princeton University Press, 1989, p. 96.
 Millar, Bugis Weddings: Rituals of Social Location in Modern Indonesia,p. 70; Errington, 'Siri', Darah dan Kekuasaan Politik di Dalam Kerajaan Luwu' Zaman Dulu,' pp. 55-56.
 Errington, 'Siri', Darah dan Kekuasaan Politik di Dalam Kerajaan Luwu' Zaman Dulu,' pp. 55-56.
 Taken literally, dui' ménré' means 'money taken up', but the phrase is used to describe 'spending money' for the wedding. Bridewealth in Bugis consists of two elements, namely sompa [Bug.: rankprice] and dui' ménré' [spending money]. Sompa is measured according to the ascriptive rank of the bride, that is the sum of money called in former currency, rella', while dui' menré is determined based on the ascending status of the bride. See Millar, Bugis Weddings: Rituals of Social Location in Modern Indonesia and Pelras, The Bugis. At present, the sompa is only symbolic, being announced during the wedding ceremony, while spending money may be brought on the day of bringing the spending money [mappaénré balanca] or on the day of the wedding, particularly for wealthy people. These days, when people talk about bridewealth, it usually refers to 'spending money.'
 See endnote 12.
 Lontara' Fikhi/Nikah, p. 4.
 Susan B. Millar, 'On Interpreting Gender in Bugis Society,'in American Ethnologist, vol. 10, August 1983, pp. 477-492, p. 487.
 See also Keeler's discussion of how the dimension of prestige/potency distinguishes male and female in the social life of Javanese. Ward Keeler, 'Speaking of Gender in Java,' in Power and Difference: Gender in Island Southeast Asia, ed. Jane M. Atkinson and Shelly Errington, Stanford: Stanford University Press, 1990, pp. 127-52.
 See also Pelras on the valued qualities of the mythical and fictional heroes in Bugis. Pelras, The Bugis, pp. 210-15.
 Christian Pelras, 'Patron Client Ties among the Bugis and Makassarese of South Sulawesi,' in Authority and Enterprise among the Peoples of South Sulawesi, ed. Roger Tol, Kees van Dijk and Greg Acciaioli, Leiden: KITLV Press, pp. 15-54, p. 35.
 Mattulada, Sejarah, Masyarakat and Kebudayaan Sulawesi Selatan [History, Society and Culture of South Sulawesi], Ujung Pandang: Hasanuddin University Press, 1998, p. 139.
 Mattulada, Sejarah, Masyarakat and Kebudayaan Sulawesi Selatan, p. vi. In original Indonesian: 'Manusia yang saling menghargai, menyatu dalam Siri' menegakkan Pessé; dalam Pribadi Manusia Sulawesi Selatan; ialah, orang Pandai dan Jujur; Berani dan Teguh; Berserah kepada Redha Allah Taala', See Mattulada, Mattulada, Sejarah, Masyarakat and Kebudayaan Sulawesi Selatan, p. vi.
 Mattulada, Latoa: Satu Lukisan Analisis terhadap Antropologi Politik Orang Bugis, pp. 8-9.
 Machmud describes a similar, but slightly different saying: iapa nakkullé taué mabbainé narékko naulléni maggulilingiwi dapurengngé wékka pitu [someone is able to marry only if he is able to surround the kitchen seven times], A. Hasan Machmud, Silasa: Kumpulan Petuah Bugis-Makassar [Silasa: A Collection of Bugis-Makassar Advice], Jakarta: Bhakti Centra Baru (second edition), 1994, pp. 31-32.
 A similar phrase is found in Indonesian: 'able to keep the hearth burning' [Ind.: mampu mengepulkan asap dapur], which carries the sense that the prospective husband has the capacity to feed members of the family every day.
 The term moloi is cognate with the term atut for Javanese, described by H. Geertz, The Javanese Family: A Study of Kinship and Socialization, p. 73. McDonald and Abdurahman report of the Sundanese that beauty and morality are the most important factors for a prospective wife. See Peter McDonald and Edeng Abdurahman, Perkawinan dan Perceraian di Jawa Barat [Marriage and Divorce in West Java], Jakarta: Lembaga Demografi, Fakultas Ekonomi, Universitas Indonesia, 1974, p. 4.
 This is presumably because there are standard reasons for divorce for the Religious Court in Indonesia. See, for example, Gavin W. Jones, Yahya Asari and Tuti Djuartika, 'Divorce in West Java,' in Journal of Comparative Family Studies, vol. XXV, no. 3, Autumn, 1994, pp. 395-416; and Hisako Nakamura, 'A Study of Dissolution of Marriage among Javanese Muslims,' M.A. Thesis, Canberra: The Australian National University, 1981. Thus, failure to fulfill the emotional needs of the husband can be classified under the standard reasons.
 Following the tension between the state and Islam (and local traditions) in the early days of the New Order as to whether or not the state should intervene in family matters, a secular Marriage Law was introduced on 2 January 1974. See Kathryn Robinson, 'Indonesia Women: From Order Baru to Reformasi,' in Women in Asia: Tradition, Modernity and Globalisation, ed. Louis Edwards and Mina Roces, Women in Asia Publication Series, Sydney: Allen and Unwin, 2000, pp. 139-169, p. 164. The implementation of the Marriage Law was regulated under the State Regulation (Peraturan Pemerintah) No.9/1975.
 Akad nikah is a marriage ceremony performed by the groom in the presence of the imam nikah [the person who officiates at an Islamic ceremony].
 The official Indonesian state development ideology of a 'good wife' and 'good mother' is based on Panca Dharma Wanita [women's five principal duties]: as appendages and companions to their husbands, procreators of the nation, mothers and educators of children, housekeepers, and members of Indonesian society. See Kathryn Robinson, 'Love and Sex in an Indonesian Mining Town,' in Gender and Power in Affluent Asia, ed. Khrisna Sen and Maila Stevens, New York: Routledge, pp. 63-86; Saraswati Sunidyo, 'Gender Discourse on Television,' in Culture and Society in New Order Indonesia, ed. Virginia M. Hooker, Kuala Lumpur: Oxford University Press, 1993, pp. 134-147; Saraswati Sunindyo, 'Murder, Gender and the Media,' in Fantasizing the Feminine in Indonesia, ed. Laurie J. Sears, Durkham, London: Duke University Press, 1996, pp. 120-139; Julia I. Suryakusuma, 'State Ibuism: the Social Construction of Womenhood in the Indonesian New Order,' M.A. Thesis, Institute of Social Studies, the Hague, 1987 and 'The State and Sexuality in New Order Indonesia,' Fantasizing the Feminine in Indonesia, ed. Laurie J. Sears, Durkham and London: Duke University Press, 1996, pp. 92-119; Istiadah, Muslim Women in Contemporary Indonesia: Investigating Path to Resist the Patriarchal System, Working Paper Series, No. 91, Clayton: Centre of Southeast Asian Studies, Monash University, 1995; Norma Sullivan, 'Indonesian Women in Development: State Theory and Urban Kampung Practice,' in Women's Work and Women's Roles: Economics and Everyday Life in Indonesia, Malaysia and Singapore ed. Lenore Manderson, Development Studies Centre Monograph, No. 32, Canberra: The Australian National University, 1983, pp. 147-182 and Masters and Managers: A Study of Gender Relations in Urban Java, Women in Asia Publication Series, Sydney: Allen and Unwin, 1994; and Solvay Gerke, 'Indonesian National Development Ideology and the Role of Women,' in Indonesian Cycle, vol. 59/60, 1993, pp. 45-56.
 Djuher, Hukum Perkawinan Islam and Relevansinya dengan Kesadaran Hukum Masyarakat [Islamic Marriage Law and its Relevance to the Legal Awareness of Society], Jakarta: Dewaruci Press, 1983, p. 54.
 M. Idris Ramulyo, Hukum Perkawinan Islam: Suatu Analisis dari Undang-Undang No.1/1974 and Kompilasi Hukum Islam [Islamic Marriage Law: An Analysis of Law No.1/1974 and Compilation of Islamic Law], Jakarta: Bumi Aksara, 1996, pp. 1-2. A Hadith [Nasa'i, Ibnu Majah, Tirmidzi] states that the boundary between haram [fornication] and halal [marriage] is the sound of tambourine and songs which indicates the importance of celebrating in order to inform the community of the marriage. See Syaikh Kamil M. 'Uwaidah, Fiqih Wanita [Women's Fiqh], trans M. Abdul Ghoffar E.M., Jakarta: Pustaka Al-Kautsar, 1998, p. 406.
 Bennett, 'Dialectic of Desire and Danger: Sexuality and Modernity in Mataram, Eastern Indonesia.'
 Imam Al-Gazali, Tentang Perkawinan Sakinah [A Happy Marriage], trans. Kholila Marhijanto, Surabaya: Tiga Dua, Surabaya, 1995, p. 32. A related Hadith [Bukhari-Muslim] states that if any of you is able to get married, the marriage will preserve your gaze and fertility. See Husein Muhammad, Fiqh Perempuan: Refleksi Kiai atas Wacana Agama and Gender [Fiqh of Women: Reflections of Muslim Scholars Based on the Discourse of Religion and Gender], Yogyakarta: LKiS, 2001, p. 96.
 S. Budhisantoso, Ambo Gani, G.S. Husnah, B. Baco and Ahmad Yunus, Wasiat-Wasiat dalam Lontarak Bugis [Testaments in Bugis Lontarak], Jakarta: Departemen P&K, Dirjen Kebudayaan, Direktorat Sejarah dan Nilai Tradisional, Proyek Penelitian dan Pengkajian Kebudayaan Nusantara, 1990, p. 38. A significant Hadith [at-Tarmudzi] states that if a pious man comes to propose to your daughter, marry her off. Otherwise, it may lead to a slander and damage the earth. See Muhammad, Fiqh Perempuan: Refleksi Kiai atas Wacana Agama and Gender, p. 96.
 Several studies indicate this, for example, Geertz, The Javanese Family: A Study of Kinship and Socialization; McDonald and Abdurahman, Perkawinan dan Perceraian di Jawa Barat, Tim Peneliti, Perkawinan and Perceraian di Jawa Barat [Marriage and Divorce in West Java], Bandung: PSK-LP, Universitas Padjadjaran, 1988; and Gavin W. Jones, Marriage and Divorce in Islamic South-East Asia Kuala Lumpur: Oxford University Press, 1994.
 Based on the 1990 census report, Hull states the singulate age at first marriage (SMAM) in all provinces in Indonesia was over twenty. See Terence H. Hull, 'The Marriage Revolution in Indonesia,' paper presented at Population Association of America, Atlanta, 9-11 May 2002, p. 2. Furthermore, in North Sumatra, Jakarta, South Sulawesi, East Nusa Tenggara, and Yogyakarta, SMAM was over twenty-three. At the regency level, the 1998 National Socioeconomic Survey indicated that SMAM in all regencies in South Sulawesi was between twenty-two and twenty-six years; in Sidrap, Pangkep, Maros, Bantaeng and Bulukumba, it was over twenty-four, while in Makassar—the capital city—it was over twenty-six. See BPS Sulsel Online, Population Statistics: IMR, Eo, TFR & SMAM, URL http://sulsel.bps.go.id/sulsel/pop/life.html, accessed 23 September 2002. Despite the fact that the national and the regional statistics show high average age at first marriage, early marriage still occurs. The SMAM reflects the experience of all residents—those who marry young and those who delay marriage until their late twenties and early thirties. Even though the age at first marriage increases every year, it is not a revolutionary change, and therefore early marriage may still happen at the local level. Personal interview with Terry Hull, Canberra, 12 November 2002.
 TKR, which stands for Tentara Keamanan Rakyat, was a local guerilla force in the Indonesian revolutionary era. The group revolted due to disappointment over the newly formed national army's refusal to recruit veterans of local guerilla forces in the struggle for national independence. TKR was led by Captain Usman Balo, a controversial figure because of his cruelty, bravery and womanising.
 'Pernikahan Dini, "Buah" Trauma Warga' [Early Marriage, A Community Trauma], in
Fajar, 9 January 2002.
 Marriage Law of 1974, Chapter II, 7:1.
 See also H. Geertz, The Javanese Family: A Study of Kinship and Socialization, p. 56. For the Javanese see M. Singarimbun and C. Manning, 'Marriage and Divorce in Mojolama,' in Indonesia, vol. 17, April 1974, pp. 67-82, p. 75. For the Sudanese see McDonald and Abdurahman, Perkawinan dan Perceraian di Jawa Barat, pp. 3-4.
 For example, in 2000, there was only one case of dispensation of marriage and not one single case was filed in 2001.
 Personal interview with judges in the Sidrap Religious Court, 10 May 2000.
 See, for example, Geertz, The Javanese Family: A Study of Kinship and Socialization; Singarimbun and Manning, 'Marriage and Divorce in Mojolama'; McDonald and Abdurahman, Perkawinan dan Perceraian di Jawa Barat; Anke Niehof, 'Women and Fertility in Madura (Indonesia),' Ph.D. Dissertation, Leiden University, 1985; Jones, 'Which Indonesian Women Marry Youngest, and Why,' in Journal of Southeast Asian Studies, vol. 32, no. 1, February, 2001, pp. 67-78 and in Southeast Asia, Jones, Marriage and Divorce in Islamic South-East Asia, Kuala Lumpur: Oxford University Press, 1994.
 The 1998 National Socioeconomic Survey indicated that SMAM in Sidrap and Makassar were over twenty-four and twenty-six years for female and male respectively.
 In Islam, there are five obligatory prayers: dhuha [Ar.: prayer before noon], ashar [afternoon prayer], magrib [sunset prayer], isya [evening prayer], and subuh [the early morning prayer].
 Bennett also notes thirty as the age that single women in Mataram begin to fear that they are too old to attract a marriage partner. See Bennett, 'Dialectic of Desire and Danger: Sexuality and Modernity in Mataram, Eastern Indonesia.'
 Mangngaribi, isya and subu are parallel to the Indonesian terms magrib, isya and subuh.